With the aid of some additional close-up shots—the easier to notice her eye-rolling—Lo has switched into high-gear bitch mode, taking every measure to make Audrina feel as uncomfortable and unwelcome as possible. Luckily, Audrina has Justin Bobby 2.0 (now kinder, gentler, and with more chest hair and emotional stability!) to turn to when things get tough.
Lauren is slowly coming out of her bitch fog, but she tends to follow Lo's aggressive lead. To ensure Audrina feels totally left out, the blondes get a puppy to punctuate the fact that the brunette is clearly a third wheel and that they're building a life and home together without her. Puppies have forewarned danger in previously Hills seasons. If you'll recall, Heidi once got a puppy for Christmas from some guy named Jordan she was dating. We can't recall what happened to the dude or the dog.
With their new pup, Lauren and Lo are taking their relationship to the next level (whatever that may be) and Audrina's sure to soon be eliminated. Our analysis after the jump.
The Scene: Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's house. The main portion, not the separate bungalow the blondes have banished Audrina to. Lauren and Lo sit on shiny wood floors, surrounded by boxes, playing excitedly with a new toy.
Lauren: I can't believe we got a puppy. She's so cute. [She's so cute, I almost forget about Audrina, and how awkward this new living situation is.]
An adorable puppy, light brown with black muzzle, moves its head from side to side, following a squeaky toy.
Lo: Her reactions are the best. [Whatever. You say awkward, I say entertaining. I love making covert bitchy comments and gestures, and then seeing how Audrina reacts.]
Lauren: I love that she has blue eyes like us. [You're right, Lo. You're the only friend I need.] Chloe!
Lo: Chloe ... that's such a cute name. [Yeah, I know.]
Enter Audrina through the French doors.
Audrina: Hey!
She kicks aside some boxes.
Audrina: You guys are unpacking. [I am so ready to pack up my shit and move out of your evil lair.]
LC and Lo turn to each other, erupt in a fit of nasty giggles.
Lo: Look at what we did! [Whatever, we're creating a bitch commune where we can be happy without men or human kindness interfering in our lives. We will shop and tan all day long.]
LC and Lo lift up the puppy triumphantly.
Lauren: Yeah! [Shopping! Tanning! That does sound like fun.]
Audrina: So cute! [Are you guys more than friends? That would explain why you're so crazy and possessive, Lo.]
Lo: We adopted her. [I'd like to think we're more than friends; we're building a life together.]
Audrina: Where did you guys get her? [Right. You've adopted a mutt, not a Malawi child.]
Lauren: From a shelter. [I'm just doing what Lo tells me to do.]
Lo: We saved her. [Look, Audrina, Lauren doesn't need you anymore. We're happy together, just the two of us, eating conveyor belt sushi and shopping.]
Audrina: She has the prettiest eyes. [Fine, then. This puppy is cute now, but it will grow up and get ugly. Like you two tanning skanks, it won't age well.]
Lo: We're so excited to have a dog. [Oh, what do you know? This puppy is magic, like Suri Cruise!]
LC (picking the tiny puppy up, holding her overhead): You're perfect, you're so perfect. [Don't even think about messing with me Audrina, or I'll sic this little mutt on you faster than you can say chai soy latte.]
Audrina goes silent, looks sad, left out. The puppy barks, the blondes giggle maniacally.
Audrina: You guys went to Petco and got her everything? [That dog will attack you once you drive it insane with your incessant chatter.]
Lo: Yep, like this lovely bed that Lauren's sitting in. [Never. This dog will be mine, like Lauren!]
Audrina: Where are you going to keep her? [Is your goal just to totally eliminate me?]
Lo: I think one of us is just going to keep her. [Yeah, pretty much.] In puppy daycare, she's gonna be like, "I have two mommies." [Yeah, my friendship with Lauren borders on a lesbian obsession, get over it.]
Audrina looks broken and confused. She is over it. She just wants somewhere to live and go into sexual hibernation with Justin Bobby, without being judged.
The puppy gets rambunctious, begin biting, growling.
Lo: Calm down, pretty girl. [This is the way it must be, Audrina. Do not try to fight it. You will only regret it.]
The puppy chomps on Lauren's digits.
Lauren: Ow, ow, ow. [Audrina, it hurts me to hurt you.]
Lo takes the dog from Lauren. Defeated, Audrina gets up to exit.
Lo: Let me see, I'll try. [You have to forget about Audrina. I'm the only one you need, Lauren.]
The puppy runs off, Audrina walks away. Lauren looks after Audrina wistfully. Lo chirps nonsense in the background. Thank god we only have one more episode this season.
Lauren is slowly coming out of her bitch fog, but she tends to follow Lo's aggressive lead. To ensure Audrina feels totally left out, the blondes get a puppy to punctuate the fact that the brunette is clearly a third wheel and that they're building a life and home together without her. Puppies have forewarned danger in previously Hills seasons. If you'll recall, Heidi once got a puppy for Christmas from some guy named Jordan she was dating. We can't recall what happened to the dude or the dog.
With their new pup, Lauren and Lo are taking their relationship to the next level (whatever that may be) and Audrina's sure to soon be eliminated. Our analysis after the jump.
The Scene: Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's house. The main portion, not the separate bungalow the blondes have banished Audrina to. Lauren and Lo sit on shiny wood floors, surrounded by boxes, playing excitedly with a new toy.
Lauren: I can't believe we got a puppy. She's so cute. [She's so cute, I almost forget about Audrina, and how awkward this new living situation is.]
An adorable puppy, light brown with black muzzle, moves its head from side to side, following a squeaky toy.
Lo: Her reactions are the best. [Whatever. You say awkward, I say entertaining. I love making covert bitchy comments and gestures, and then seeing how Audrina reacts.]
Lauren: I love that she has blue eyes like us. [You're right, Lo. You're the only friend I need.] Chloe!
Lo: Chloe ... that's such a cute name. [Yeah, I know.]
Enter Audrina through the French doors.
Audrina: Hey!
She kicks aside some boxes.
Audrina: You guys are unpacking. [I am so ready to pack up my shit and move out of your evil lair.]
LC and Lo turn to each other, erupt in a fit of nasty giggles.
Lo: Look at what we did! [Whatever, we're creating a bitch commune where we can be happy without men or human kindness interfering in our lives. We will shop and tan all day long.]
LC and Lo lift up the puppy triumphantly.
Lauren: Yeah! [Shopping! Tanning! That does sound like fun.]
Audrina: So cute! [Are you guys more than friends? That would explain why you're so crazy and possessive, Lo.]
Lo: We adopted her. [I'd like to think we're more than friends; we're building a life together.]
Audrina: Where did you guys get her? [Right. You've adopted a mutt, not a Malawi child.]
Lauren: From a shelter. [I'm just doing what Lo tells me to do.]
Lo: We saved her. [Look, Audrina, Lauren doesn't need you anymore. We're happy together, just the two of us, eating conveyor belt sushi and shopping.]
Audrina: She has the prettiest eyes. [Fine, then. This puppy is cute now, but it will grow up and get ugly. Like you two tanning skanks, it won't age well.]
Lo: We're so excited to have a dog. [Oh, what do you know? This puppy is magic, like Suri Cruise!]
LC (picking the tiny puppy up, holding her overhead): You're perfect, you're so perfect. [Don't even think about messing with me Audrina, or I'll sic this little mutt on you faster than you can say chai soy latte.]
Audrina goes silent, looks sad, left out. The puppy barks, the blondes giggle maniacally.
Audrina: You guys went to Petco and got her everything? [That dog will attack you once you drive it insane with your incessant chatter.]
Lo: Yep, like this lovely bed that Lauren's sitting in. [Never. This dog will be mine, like Lauren!]
Audrina: Where are you going to keep her? [Is your goal just to totally eliminate me?]
Lo: I think one of us is just going to keep her. [Yeah, pretty much.] In puppy daycare, she's gonna be like, "I have two mommies." [Yeah, my friendship with Lauren borders on a lesbian obsession, get over it.]
Audrina looks broken and confused. She is over it. She just wants somewhere to live and go into sexual hibernation with Justin Bobby, without being judged.
The puppy gets rambunctious, begin biting, growling.
Lo: Calm down, pretty girl. [This is the way it must be, Audrina. Do not try to fight it. You will only regret it.]
The puppy chomps on Lauren's digits.
Lauren: Ow, ow, ow. [Audrina, it hurts me to hurt you.]
Lo takes the dog from Lauren. Defeated, Audrina gets up to exit.
Lo: Let me see, I'll try. [You have to forget about Audrina. I'm the only one you need, Lauren.]
The puppy runs off, Audrina walks away. Lauren looks after Audrina wistfully. Lo chirps nonsense in the background. Thank god we only have one more episode this season.
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